Adventures of a Chubby Vanilla Chick into BDSM

ninh: The exorcism of the devil pussy.

ninh:

The exorcism of the devil pussy.

Dear anyone:

I’m ridiculously in need of a very plastered night. Let’s go drinking ;P

closetedholmie: fyeahgodsgirls: Seraphim. Get 75% off a...

closetedholmie:

fyeahgodsgirls:

Seraphim.
Get 75% off a GodsGirls membership right here!

Work it girl. She is freaking perfect. 

I want her in my bed. Now.

Mrph.

Mrph.

Con today: MRI. Pro today: Massage. I’m gonna call this one a wash.

Con today: MRI.
Pro today: Massage.

I’m gonna call this one a wash.

I wish someone could explain to me why, when you're surrounded by people who love and care about...

I wish someone could explain to me why, when you're surrounded by people who love and care about you, the people who don't like you carry so much weight?

finallyunfurling: FUUUUUUQ JESUS GODDAMN CHRIST.

finallyunfurling:

FUUUUUUQ

JESUS GODDAMN CHRIST.

chaoticfuckingbeauty: toobigformybutt: http://toobigformybutt.t...

chaoticfuckingbeauty:

toobigformybutt:

http://toobigformybutt.tumblr.com/

yep…..

Great. And now all I can think about is wanting to be the person doing this. Eff.

Not only is this woman GORGEOUS and a sassy as the pictures...

Not only is this woman GORGEOUS and a sassy as the pictures imply - she's sweet and funny, and I think if our schedules weren't so difficult, would have been a great friend to have (and, admittedly, I want to do terrible things to her) :) If you don't follow her, you ABSOLUTELY should

misandrist: i literally do not give a shit whether or not it's 'healthy' to be fat i care about how...

misandrist:

i literally do not give a shit whether or not it's 'healthy' to be fat

i care about how you treat fat people, the end.

If I don't have health or wealth or luck...

closetedholmie:

I certainly have the complete, total, and entirely unconditional love of my cat :) 

So horny :(

So horny :(

chaoticfuckingbeauty: Really This picture is adorable!

chaoticfuckingbeauty:

Really

This picture is adorable!

Halp!

Yesterday was my first legs day in a long time, and now my thighs (upper and lower) hurt so bad that I can barely stand/sit/walk. None of it is sharp or stabby, just a much more intense “you really worked hard” ache than I’m used to, and since it’s not normally this bad, I don’t really know what to take/do/etc to make it tolerable enough to sleep. I’ve mostly just been walking and trying to stretch, but the second I sit or stop it gets bad again, and I can’t do stairs or uneven ground at all.

Waah! Help XD

(BTW, ease up doesn’t need to be on the list of answers, I went too hard and will be a little more careful next time.)

I have an awful migraine and a wisdom tooth trying to escape my mouth through violence or mutiny. My...

I have an awful migraine and a wisdom tooth trying to escape my mouth through violence or mutiny. 

My answer to everything today is "FUCK YOU, THAT'S WHY." 

Figures

I wrote that post about 2 hours ago, as my phone was dying, and it finally posts when I get it plugged in and turned back on. 

So. 

I punched someone in the face tonight for the first time ever. In my entire life. And I had a brother who was very trying, so this is the end of a very impressive streak.

I was in love with a coworker for quite a while - not "love" like lust or daydreamy oblivion - I spent all my time with this person, talked with them constantly inside and out of work, and had a very genuinely close friendship with them this blossomed from. And he knew, and everyone who saw us together thought it was mutual, but neither of us ever pushed it - until we were out one night with the group and drunkenly slept together, which was prefaced by him saying he had feelings and we were going to date and really make this a thing. 
It didn't become a thing. 

This is all important, because it's him I punched. We didn't become a thing because he was worried about our careers becoming endangered supposedly.

Tonight, while wasted, he starts rambling at me, and the GIST of it is (he repeated certain points here, but everything in this actually came out of his mouth): 
"I'm really sorry. I loved you. But I was stupid and horny and person Y was hot - all hips and tits and  so so hot. And I thought I might have a chance to be with her, so I kept the person with the awesome smile and the pretty green eyes on the backburner cuz i thought noone else would discover what I did and I wanted to hit the hot chick before settling for the fat chick. So I tried to hit that, but I lost my chance to have you because I didn't want to be the pathetic guy settling for the really fat chick, but I missed the important part, which was that even though you're not really pretty, you would have made a really chill girlfriend and"

It was at "and" that I hit him. 

Monday is going to be a fucking blast.  

I am really really

drunk right now and in my buddy's car and were in the taco bell drive through line and I really need to pee and the line hasn't moved for 20 mins and there are people behind us and the dining room is closed cuz the roof is leaking god help me.

Buzz buzz....

chaoticfuckingbeauty:

;) 

GOD DAMNIT WHY DID I NOT SHOW UP IN TIME FOR THIS?

I don't like it when I become friends with someone

chaoticfuckingbeauty:

Talk to them a bit, we really hit it off and then they kind of disappear. 

Is that what it's like talking to me? 

I know people have lives…  But this is why I don't give myself to people. 

Because I can be tossed away like a used tissue. 

I'm insignificant. 

This. Exactly this.

I’m trying to watch my first episodes of Doctor Who. My father keeps spoiling story lines in...

I’m trying to watch my first episodes of Doctor Who. My father keeps spoiling story lines in both directions. I want to kick him in the knee.